I reached 172m in xmas. Check out how far you go: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.fingersoft.hillclimb

Still alone, fore ever alone...

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone." - Orson

Am I a loner deep down within? I dont know.

I was wounded within, from some past blows.

You took my hand and promised to show

happy days and golden glows.

I used to be a happy girl, 'twas long ago

but now with misery I overflow. 

The seeds of memories now that i try to sow,

do grow but real slow.

The pain keeps moving to and fro. 

All this seems like a blow

punching through my heart, just so.

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams" GREEN DAY

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me
'til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me
'til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
When the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me
'til then I walk alone...


Soothing song for tough times... listening to this one now....

Happy Janmashtami!

Baby at 8 months
She is crawling
Eating her solids
Moving around d house
Exploring stuff
Tearing papers
Responding to hr name whn called out.. Wd a head turn
Is going thru separation anxiety whn i leave d room evn fr a sec
Hates hr toys n loves mobile phones n remotes
Loves chocolate pieces
Has had her share of cold attacks n flus.
Loves lights
Has been vaccinated on time
D only prob is that she is underweight... At 7kilos .. She is as active as any othr baby hr age. Ideally she shuda been 8 kilos or more. Ths s wt bothers me. I did sm research on d net n came to knw tht babies tend to get stuck at one weight during 6-9 mnths n thn hv a suddn growth spurt. Furthermore the growth spurts vary in every baby.

Here r a few pics o my lil lady love.

Nobody understands me...

The 26 year old me is growing up fast
the teenager in me is burning and charred
i feel the vibe is faint and pain crawling in
and my fervor to stand out is no more in
i write this with a lot of writhe
that's eating up my self from within

They say that i am a mistake
and all i do is take take take
plus my work is all messy and late
and excuses are all that i can make

but i m trying hard to avoid the stake
by working hard day in and out
to satisfy the needs of everyone
and to live up to needs before they are gone

in the process i forget myself
am i selfish? i dont know
but from within i feel hollow
cz i have nothing in store for my soul
and no time to get a hold
of my mind, and rare emotional flows

no one cares, no one even knows
how hard i strive to do
things that they want fast and perfectly too

but all i ask for is a little gratitude
some time off from this buzzing life
a few hours of leisure, which now is a luxury

i think thts too much to ask for
cz m supposed to stand all alone
as tough as a stone
a lone fighter in the marital zone...


 

a marriage of convenience...

I was starry eyed,

With dreamy hopes shooting sky high.

You came along,

And promised to stand by.

I trusted you everyday and every single night.

Cz I knew that u were there,

And distance caused no fright.

But now when I turn back n see,

It was only me,

Trying to fit into your world,

As u had no time to be with me.

I always wanted u,

but u never needed me.

I feel lonely,

Yet I m fine.

My baby makes me stronger,

With her love filled smile.

u had ur chores and other things to do.

thts why I chose not to talk to u.

still u fought wid me, and just when I came close,

u left, leaving me behind, lonely once more.

I don’t want 2 days of love,

Followed by months of loneliness.

Is this the way wedded couples live?
I am not sure.
But it does feel like
a marriage of convenience.

A Hindu Wedding,,,

Hindu marriages are basically of 8 types.

• Rite of Brahmana (Brahma) - where the father of the bride invites a man learned in the Vedas and a good conduct, and gives his daughter in marriage to him after decking her with jewels and costly garments. 
• Rite of the Gods (Daiva) - where the daughter is groomed with ornaments and given to a priest who duly officiates at a sacrifice during the course of its performance of this rite.
• Rite of the Rishis (Arsha) - when the father gives away his daughter after receiving a cow and a bull from the brightgroom.
• Rite of the Prajapati - (Prajapatya) where the father gives away his daugher after blessing the couple with the text "May both of you perform together your duties" (the one which is popularly practiced these days.)
• Rite of the Asuras (Demons) - when the bridegroom receives a maiden after bestowing wealth to the kinsmen and to the bride according to his own will.
• Rite of the Gandharva - the voluntary union of a maiden and her lover, which arises from desire and sexual intercourse for its purpose.(this too...)
• Rite of the Rakshasa - forcible abduction of a maiden from her home after her kinsmen have been slain or wounded and their houses broken open.
• Rite of the Pisaka - when a man by stealth seduces a girl who is sleeping or intoxicated or is mentally disbalanced or handicapped.

The 7 vows of a human wedding.

{ First phera / first vow } - Pray to the Gods for pure and nourishing food and prosperity.

{ Second phera / second vow } - the couple appeals to the gods to give them the mental, physical and spiritual strength to lead a healthy life.

{ Third phera / third vow } - Pray for preservation of wealth and prosperity in life.

{ Fourth phera / fourth vow } - The couple invokes the gods for joy and peace by mutual love and trust in all walks of life.

The Groom says

"om mayo bhavyas jaradastaya ha"

My beloved, it is a blessing that you have walked four steps with me. You're presence in my life has made it sacred and auspicious. May we be blessed with obedient and noble children and may they live long!?

The Bride says

"lalayami cha pade vadet"

My lord, I will enrich myself from head to toe with sandalwood paste and fragrance for you. I will serve you and please you in every possible way that I can.

{ Fifth round / fifth vow } - the couple appeals to the lords for the welfare of all living beings in this world and wish for virtuous, noble and heroic children.

{ Sixth round / sixth vow } - the couple asks the gods to give them a blissful life together.

{ Seventh phera / seventh vow } - The couple prays for mutual understanding, loyalty and companionship.

The Groom says

"om sakhi jaradastayahga"

My beloved, as you have walked the seven steps with me, our love and friendship is now eternal. We have attained a spiritual union blessed by god. Now you are one with me and I offer my life to you. Our marriage will be forever.

The Bride says

"attramshe sakshino vadet pade"

My lord, as per the laws of God and the sanctity of the holy scriptures, I am your wife now. Whatever promises we made, were made with a pure mind. We will be truthful to each other in all matters and We will love each other forever.

The fourth and the seventh vows are the most important and the toughest to follow. Couples these days are so materialistc that they forget the importance of these vows. In many cases, they dont live by these vows at all. I pray all such couples get back to normal and lead a blissful life together.

'Unconditional' Love...

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” 
― Bruce Lee

The Webster Dictionary defines the word 'Unconditional' as not conditioned or limited. And the term 'Unconditional Love' means to love someone regardless of any actions or beliefs. 

"Mother's  love" best describes this form of love as it is boundless and unchanging.

This form of love is selfless, with no thought of benefit for oneself. The 'give-and-take' policy does not apply here. Most  importantly, there are no 'expectations' from the receiver. 

Earlier I was a staunch believer in Conditional Love. I used to believe that one should give out as much as one receives. Loving in breaks and gasps, so that one would never run out of the 'love-stock'. But I was wrong. Conditional Love is a little painful. It leads to taking things for granted and too much of hurtful possessiveness. Expectations and assumptions always create chaos. 

Loving someone 'freely' is unconditional love. Now on, it is my life's mantra. No matter what I get or don't , no matter what has happened or will happen or won't, I will love unconditionally. 

Keep loving... but unconditionally.

A story...

Came across this story on the Internet. Don't know if its true or such things happen for real, but it is a good read.

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Two years into marriage, I would have
to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

“Why?” he asked, shocked. “I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:” What can I do to change your mind?”

Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : “Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?” He said :” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes…. My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..” This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

“When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love travelling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. ”

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favourite bread and fresh milk… I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone…

That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form... flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life… Love, not words win arguments.

A sweet note...

There are times when I feel damn low,
the minutes seem to pass real slow.
That is when I think of you
just you, only you...

I watch you play in my lap,
in a minute or so you start a nap!
'Plop!' peep out my antennas,
And I see a solution to all my dilemmas :)

Everything seems alright,
When I hug you tenderly tight!
Thanks for brightening up my life...

The twinkle of my eye,
A super cute li'l pie,
The best ever darling angel
 My sweet sweet baby girl. :)

On the arrival of my baby girl... Adwitiya.

Every single morning,
when the sun is up and shining,
I hold you tight in my arms,
Thinking, 'Gosh! I am a Mom!'

Every single night,
When I put you to sleep,
I realise once again,
That I love you true and deep.

Your chocolaty eyes,
Your picture perfect smile,
Your cute little fingers,
are all so tender...

Someday, time will tell,
that how well we can gel.
Right now, when its you and me,
the air is always filled with glee.
Oh Yes! I have with me,
My daughter, my baby.

Love you sweetie pie, the apple of my eye. :)

Happy Anniversary Love!

It was pre-decided, our union was arranged,

You were a complete stranger, to whom i was engaged…

We had a nervous dialogue, I didn't know what to say,

Remember the walk? It was a breezy day…

Next spring I was at your flat,

The wedlock was being settled ...

We spent some time on the terrace,

Brooding over my birthday souvenir…

Time flew by and then came fall,

You were at my place, our hearts filled with unrest!

A nascent love maturing fast amid ourselves…

You planted a li’l kiss, the first that I'll never forget.

Some more months whizzed by,

Having nothing significant to transcribe…

‘Coz, my heart longed to see you, again and again…

 Unending phone calls, midnight conversations,

Life was solely holding on to the tip of cupid’s arrow.

Then came the nuptial day,

And you were finally here!

Customs barred us from meeting,

'til the ceremonials were done.

Across the hallway I saw you approaching,

Robed in a garb, pure white ’Topor’ et al…

All the prattling around me muffled,

All I could see was you…only you…

Brothers lifted me up on a ‘peedey’ sturdily,

I hid my face behind beetle leaves,

The ear-splitting ‘ululation’ by the ladies amused me!

I was about to be your bride tonight…

Way past midnight, we were declared man and wife,

You held my hand tight, I felt shy!

The giggles in my head just wouldn't go away!

‘Gosh girl!’ I thought  ‘Grow up! Be a wife! J’

Time whooshed by again, distances tore us apart,

We had jobs to do, across cities alienated wide.

Then came a turning point in both of our lives!

We realised that I was expectant,

We went cracked with delight!

I left all behind, and rushed to ‘our’ home,

We lived like a duo, in wedlock, close and tight J

Honey, all I have to say is that…

The life we’v shared this past year

Has proved forever it shall persevere...

I will love you forever in every way

That will remain constant until my dying day...

Happy 1^st Anniversary! This is the most special Anniversary in our lives. I am sure we will spend numerous more together.

I wish I could do more. Wanted to gift you something special. Will do that too.

But right now, I couldn't think of anything better than my experience with you arranged in a semi-poetic mode…

A lil fairy tale :)

I know a sparkly fairy
Whose smile works wonders...
Master of wand-less magic
Makes everyone ponder
'who is this lady after all?'
She is none other
But my mother!
Happy happy birthday Maa
May you celebrate zillions of such caked-sweet-icing laden but healthy birthdays in the years to come... :) <3

Offbalance!

Life's gotten a li'l wobbly
Fussing and fretting over things doubly
Steps are heavy
Head's groggy
And the world around's getting nosy

Trying to smile and go on with the flow
Hoping to see a fresh new glow
In the days to come
Lies all ma hopes
By all means
M never gonna let go

Trying to trash all the thoughts that are crappy
And deflect all menace thats sloppy

Offbalance ? Yea thats for a change
Will i sail through? Yea Yea will manage!

Sad demise of moral principles...

Not very long ago there was a man who successfully led his country through its greatest constitutional, military and moral crisis – the American Civil War – preserving the Union while ending slavery, and promoting economic and financial modernization. This mile stone accomplishment had paved the way for every race in the world to live unitedly in the American society. Duh Uh! Flash News: Looks like it has all flown down the toilet drains as far as Morality is concerned.

Funnily when I type the word 'Americans' on the Google search engine, the very first option that pops out is 'Americans are Dumb'! lol ! NOM, but the recent Gurdwara Shootings at Wisconsin is a sad proof. Simply flying the Stars and Stripes at half-mast will not resolve the issue. If a similar incident occurs tomorrow, is Obama going to extend the duration of the half-mast or is he going to give out some concrete orders about an Indian's safety in the US? If you are an Indian... I have a question for you... Is jeopardizing your life and your family's well being for the sake of some extra money actually worth it? Think Think Think!

If an American Citizen is not broad enough to accept a person from some other race as his/her fellow citizen, then immigration should be completely stopped! No kidding! Why have such a complex demographic phenomenon to boost your population if balancing is so tough? For centuries together India has welcomed foreigners into her heart and has retained them safely. We don't feel alarmed or threatened by the presence of a person with an unusual skin-tone or facial features. No I am not saying that WE ARE PERFECT! But the crimes in my nation at-least MAKE SENSE! There is a genuine purpose behind a gully shooting. Nobody randomly shoots at people in the broad daylight just because he/she has a super idiotic racist mindset. Why are the Americans so confused about differentiating a Sikh with a turban from a Jihaadi? Its no rocket science! Or is it something about the race that irks? I wish they caught the shooter alive. I would have flown down exhausting all my savings just to knock some sense into his head with a good thrashing (Oh of-course I can manage one when I am fuming!).

Trying to understand and further analyze the psychology of such gunmen or any other racist person is a tough job. But creating awareness can resolve the issue. Are the American 'Whites' still racists deep down within? Has Lincoln's attempt gone futile? Its really funny because the land that they live on actually belonged to a different Mongolian race altogether! And today they want the so called 'colored mass' to scoot from 'their' land else there is no mercy! Atleast this is the message that I got from this incident - ' LEAVE THIS NATION OR DIE!' Am I scared? Nope! Am I angry? Yes, a lot. Am I going to do something about it? Yes! I will blog on this topic again and again and again and again till my fingers ache.

A gust of fresh air!

I feel a gust of fresh air...
Something new awaits out there...
An all new horizon, I am yet to explore...
Some sweet secrets yet to be exposed...
A sudden pursuit of happiness be-charms me...
Teeny weeny bubbles of excitement tickle me!
What lies ahead, I do not know...
Reason being that, I never planned so!
But I love the thrill of unplanned adventures,
as there is always space for blissful ventures!
Yaba - Daba - Dooo... I feel so happy!

I will fly high! Yipee Yippee Yippee ! :)

Bitter moods... Tormentous thoughts...

It so happens at times that you wake up in the best of your moods... But due to someone else's action... Things tend to turn sour by the days end.
In such cases... The problem dosen't lie with anybody else. Rather it lies with your inner self. With time you have made yourself so vurnerable to other peoples' words and reactions that your inner self gets lost in the whole hustle-bustle. You are so engrossed in accessing your actions through another's perception and line of sight that you forget where you actually stand!
Still unable to relate to my topic? Alright lets make it a little simple with some common examples...
1.'O dear! How do i look in these clothes!? Hope i m not a fashion disaster!'--- This happens in case of my lady friends sometimes. With time they grow so conscious about their appearance to others that they forget to dress for themselves!
2.'Dammit! I hope my bloody boss gets impressed this time on atleast. Why dont i ever get to satisfy him inspite of all the effort that I put in?'--- This mostly happens to maximum youngsters these days.
3.'I wish i'd not spoken to him today! Bloody wild-ass spoilt my day!' --- happens to all of us irrespective of age!
The day a person starts living life on one's own terms without bothering a fig about the people around oneself is the day a person will attain total inner peace. This calmness or sense of freedom (freedom to me because i long for such a day to come in my life) is the day this person will be the happiest human on earth.
Live for yourself. Do things so that your inner soul is happy. Do not try to please others by your actions; by keeping yourself dissatisfied. This is pretence and is the worst crime a human can ever commit. If watering a plant makes you happy, go forth and do it! If hating cats is your nature, accept it publicly and let your girlfriend know about it! Why pretend now and suffer all life long? Haha...
If donating money for charity is not your forte and donating blood is, then why shy away? If you love your landlady's son, let him know about it and stay peaceful within! :P why bother about rejection in the first place? I love writing stuff, basically writing rubbish about whatever topic comes up in my head. I never hesitate. I make it a point to jot the maximum down in my stupid little blog. And i love reading them whenever i feel like. Wish i knew about blogging earlier in my life. Atleast i wouldnt have burnt and torn a dozen diaries scared of i dont know what or who! :P
Okay, the basic point that i tried to make is that before blaming someone for the reactions that you are giving, please try to access yourself first. Try to see things differently,from within and you will find an answer to your condition. Life is easy. We silly humans with a god gifted cranium waste it on complicated lines. Live simple and stay happy. :)
God bless.

Portugal into the top 4 of Euro 2012!!!

I just read the article Ronaldo heads Portugal into last four using the official UEFA EURO 2012 app with Orange http://geo.vc/Ae97Y

Away...

I thought things have finally changed,
I thought it was all afresh,
A whole new horizon to look upto.
You came, you spoke, you bowled me over,
But now you speak in an alien manner.

No calls, no mails, no messages await.
My phone seems to have died out too.
I was excited about certain things,
Sweet topics are but rare these days.
Whatever comes up is a buzzkill to you!

You seem to be so far away...
Please dont change...I'll always pray.

Its all about me

I am no queen
I am no priestess
I am no epitome of a life free of distress

I am no countess
I am no hermitess
I am not a chaste and pure saintess

But I am a citess
I am MY princess
I am a wannabe wild wild poetess !